Diary entries

unsolicited advice

Don’t write alone. I was my most prolific as a child, when I read everything I could find and wrote down everything I thought. In gentle competition with my twin sibling, we were often surrounded with pens and pencils and the dot matrix printer paper that came in a miles-long continuous sheet. We learned the … Continue reading unsolicited advice

race me

I thought back to this summer, to the rhetoric that has defined the popular anti-racist movements of my lifetime. ‘Black Lives Matter’ should be the bare minimum, and yet it’s an obsessively contested statement, fiddled with and fucked with and undermined.

Take a wander into your personal history — where has racism touched your life? What did the Black Lives Matter protests of this summer bring up for you? Go straight to the feelings.

Living by the sea

I think my lungs are sea shells. They breathe easy when there is salt in the air. They breathe deeper- right to the core of my body. And when they breathe out, my worries are taken away on the wind. – the shape of lungs and the shape of shells

Notes

1 Oct 2020 Just really grieving for the world What if it doesn’t get better I’m struggling Feeling overwhelmed Empathy hard – can’t live in the world like this but how do you stay alive Is it self centred to want to die 11 Oct 2020 Wired from the emotions of the poetry event Anxious … Continue reading Notes

Autumn

It was like spring out in the garden this afternoon and an old plane even did an obliging fly past or two. It made me think summer is not far away but of course it is and there is a winter to be got through first. I like the idea of winter – warm fires … Continue reading Autumn

under-cover takeover

The nights are cold. My feet are cold. I’m sitting up in bed as I write this, pinioned between my laptop and a thick stack of cushions, swathed so comprehensively in duvet that only my head and hands emerge, to read and to type. It’s 11.08pm. Sleepily, unassumingly, under cover of darkness, I’m taking over.  … Continue reading under-cover takeover

Mornings

Every morning if an alternate reality of the one before. The same room, same bed, same pillows, same alarm, same wife. My feet hit hard carpet, ice woven into its seventies threads. Clothes are pulled off door handles and radiators. I yawn as I lock the door and I don’t wake up until my feet … Continue reading Mornings

Outside the Dentist

A woman in a purple ski jacket smoking a fag: “Don’t let them make you feel bad in there. They tried to do it to me but I told them what for. Why do they think I didn’t bloody look after my teeth? I could hardly look after myself. And then I had the babies … Continue reading Outside the Dentist

I seem to have lost the ability to think

I’m trying to very gently trick myself back into writing. It’s not because I don’t want to write–I do, very much–but more that there are so many other feelings swoop in when I sit down to write, that I need to trick myself into getting something, anything, done. Earlier in lockdown I was very good … Continue reading I seem to have lost the ability to think

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